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Adam Elliott

What does Adam have to say?
Posts from November 2012


This Made Me Laugh Today

Here's what's going on in this picture:

A group of guys are sitting around manning phones, answering questions about how to fix Christmas light bulbs.  I received this picture via email from a company that was trying to get me to promote their 24-7 Christmas Light Bulb hotline.  (Much like the Thanksgiving Butterball hotline.)
The reason this riduculous image made me laugh is that, only a group of guys that look like this would actually be sitting around answering phoned-in questions about light bulbs.  That's some old school tech support.  Makes me think of the SNL sketch about Chicago Bears fans.  Oh yah der...you can fix dem Light Bulbs now. Ditka.

I suppose since I made fun of thier picture I could give you thier hotline...but use it only in case of a Christmas Lightbulb emergency. (In case you decide to go Clark Grizwold this year.
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Topics: Human Interest
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Now There's This For A Christmas Gift
There's those weird meat flavored sodas.  There was even a Kevin Bacon Bacon Sculpture.  Now forr the food/bacon junkie in your life, the bacon-centric business J&D Foods has made Siracha flavored lip balm and bacon flavored shaving cream. 

The shaving cream should make you a perfect tasty treat for any bear.

 

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The 12 Days Of Brokeness

It's back.  That's annual list of how much each item in "The 12 Days Of Christmas" would cost.  Who knew those swans would hold their value from year to year.  You'd think you could just catch some in the wild and save the money. 

Every year, the people at PNC Wealth Management calculate their "Christmas Price Index" . . . which looks at all of the items in the song "The 12 Days of Christmas" and figures out how much it would cost to buy all of them.
 
This year, if you wanted to buy everything from the song once, it would cost you $25,431.18.  That's up 4.8% from last year.  But if you think about it, the song doesn't call for you to just buy everything once.  Every day you're supposed to buy that day's gift, like five gold rings or eight maids-a-milking, AND all of the stuff from the previous days.
 
 
Like, on the third day, you don't just buy three French hens.  You ALSO have to buy two more turtle doves and another partridge in a pear tree.  To follow the song to the letter like that, it would cost you $107,300.24.  That's up 6.1% from last year.
 
 
The biggest price jump this year is the six geese-a-laying.  Six geese jumped 29.6%, from $162 in 2011 to $210 this year.  Five gold rings had the next-largest jump.  A pear tree had the third-biggest.
 
 
Here's the full breakdown . . .

--A partridge in a pear tree.  The partridge is $15, the pear tree is $189.99.
 
--Two turtle doves.  They cost $125, or $62.50 per dove.
 
--Three French hens.  These are $165, or $55 per hen.
 
--Four calling birds.  The price is the same as last year, $519.96, or $129.99 each.
 
--Five gold rings.  These are now $750, or $150 per ring.
 
--Six geese-a-laying.  These are $210, or $35 per goose.
 
--Seven swans-a-swimming.  This is the most expensive item on the list, at $7,000, or $1,000 per swan.
 
--Eight maids-a-milking.  They'll cost $58 . . . in other words, each one gets one hour of minimum wage, $7.25.
 
--Nine ladies dancing.  Getting nine dancers costs $6,294.03, or just under $700 per person.
 
--Ten lords-a-leaping.  That's $4,766.70, or $476.67 each.  Although I bet if you shop around you can find 10 guys to jump around for cheaper.
 
--Eleven pipers piping.  They cost $2,562, or $232.90 each.
 
--Twelve drummers drumming.  They cost $2,775.50, or $231.30 each.
 



 

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Who's Up For A Turkey Explosion?

I know injuries are nothing to laugh about, but I just can't help myself when it comes to Turkey Fryer explosions.   I think they are quite hilarious because they are 100% preventable.  Therefore; the boneheads who hurt themselves doing it are bringing it on themselves.

Here's the stats for this year:

A lot of people think deep-fried turkey is the ONLY way to eat turkey.  Unfortunately, it's also BY FAR the riskiest way to eat turkey. According to State Farm insurance, fire departments are called to at least 1,000 MAJOR FIRES or EXPLOSIONS because of turkey frying accidents every Thanksgiving.  And those fires cause more than $15 MILLION in property damage.

  • From 2007 through last year, the state where the most people BLEW THEMSELVES UP or set themselves or their house on fire during turkey frying was . . . Texas.
  • The rest of the top 10 states with the most turkey frying disasters are:  Illinois, New York, Ohio, Florida, California, Louisiana, Pennsylvania, Minnesota, and South Carolina.
  • State Farm also says the number one thing you can do to avoid starting an accidental turkey frying fire is to cook a safe distance away from your home . . . DON'T set up the fryer in your garage or on your patio.
Actually, the number one thing you can do to avoid an accidental turkey frying fire is to cook it in the oven, like normal people do.

Check out Alton Brown making a blowtorch out of his turkey at about 3:00.  Then he shows you the right way.
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This Made Me Say...
Ahhhhhhhhhhhh!

Headline:

Coffee Extinction In The Wild, Spurred By Climate Change, Could Occur By 2080, Study Says

OK.  Fix this problem or we are gonna have a serious problem on our hands.
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Topics: Environment
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Thanksgiving On The Mayflower Results

A big THANK YOU to everyone who helped donate to this year's Thanksgiving On The Mayflower food drive.

With a matching donation from Fresh Madison Market we helped donate over 20,000 pounds worth of food to the Community Action Coalition

School Challenge Winners:
1st Place: Monona Grove HS - $1,000 prize, just over 6,400lbs of food & cash
2nd Place: Blackhawk Middle School - $300 prize, just over 2,200 lbs of food & cash
3rd Place: East High School - $200 prize, just over 400 lbs  of food & cash

See all the the photos on WOLX's Facebook page.  

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Madison Is The Center Of The Rock & Roll Universe
At least for today, this is the absolute truth.

We have something very unusual happening with Bruce Springsteen performing at President Obama's rally and Bob Dylan playing the Alliant Energy Center tonight.

I'm having a hard time remembering a time when TWO such notable acts have been walking around the streets of Madison at the same time.  I might wager that such an event hasn't happened for a city of around a quarter-million people in quite some time. Plus, Dylan tickets are still available, so a lot of people have a shot of seeing them both in the same day.

The Rock & Roll gods must be smiling on us today.  Soak it up.

Here's another example of Dylan and Springsteen together.
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People: Bob DylanBruce SpringsteenObama


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Happy Movember
Now be a real man and grow a mustache this November.
 
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