If this had been an actual beard emergency, the following message would accompany a razor, electric beard trimming kit and instructions. This is only a test
Recently, my mustache got a friend.
I've grown a beard. I'm not sure if it's because I hate shaving. I'm not sure if it's because I'm needing a more distinguished look. I'm not sure why it's here, but it is.
I believe I'm at a Stage 2 Level Beard. Not sure what the beard stages are? Let me show you with a system that I just came up with:
Level 1 Beard
This includes scruffy beards and maybe a day or two of not shaving afterwards. Manly and rough looking. Possibly the coolest looking beard today.
Stage 2 Level
This goes just beyond the scruffy look where you can no longer see the face under the beard. I don't think I'll go beyond this level out of fear of what may be to come. This is also a good place to maintain the beard with regular trimming. Prince William is wearing his well.
Stage 3 Level
This is nearing the Grizzly Adams look. I guess it works well with a round face and is good for comedic intent. Way to wear it Zach Galafinakis.
Stage 4 Level
This is lost in the wilderness for over a month. Good if you're a survivalist, it shows your toughness. It also scares little children. Not sure what Brad Pitt is thinking here, but I do not believe he's lost in the woods.
Stage 5 Beard
This beard says "I don't care anymore," "I am never going to kiss another person ever again" and "I am have been sleeping or in a coma for many years." I don't advise anyone go there. Rip Van Winkle really was the last guy to get away with it and I'm sure he went to the barber right after he woke up.'
Extra Bonus:
One of my favorite The Kids In The Hall sketches: The Beard.
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