Infinite Bell

March 2, 2017
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Among the hazards of the web are the infinite number of rabbit holes you can explore, losing who knows how many hours in the process. Taco Bell's new Naked Chicken Chalupa sounded pretty odd and I couldn't resist a detour to the Taco Bell website.

So... when you arrive at the Taco Bell website and hit the Food Button, you can see all the goodies they have to offer... well almost. Things start getting good when you lay your eyes on a button that says "Customize" with a little magic wand above it. Oh and magic it is! You are now presented with "Tasty Upgrades", a virtual cornucopia of EVERY single possible thing you can add to your selected item to make it exclusively yours and yours alone.

To keep it brief, I had uncovered the secret... you can literally add nearly every single thing in the Taco Bell kitchen to whatever you're ordering! Wanna add potatoes to your Doritos Locos taco? Done! Wanna add steak AND chicken to your Crunchwrap Supreme. No problem! BTW: Who knew they still made the MexiMelt?

The possible combinations are endless! And if that weren't mind-numbing enough, once you assemble your Frankenstein burrito, you can transmit the your unholy recipe to your local Taco Bell and they'll make it when you hit the drive-thru. No more embarrasing custom-ordering (and the resultant judgement) from the dude in the window. Crazy! And to make things more insidious, you can replicate your experience on their mobile app, save it, and make it a one-button reorder for next time.

My proud partly Hispanic DNA requires that I firmly state that, no, Taco Bell is not Hispanic cuisine. Not by a long a shot. But who amongst us hasn't felt the late-night need from time to time? Let he who is without munchies cast the first stone... or something like that. So there you have it. Infinite possibilities at the Bell. Who knew? Now... if only they'll bring back the Bell Beefer! - Mo